something else

(rublev)

my notebook...

something like artwork

"ISIS AND THE MOON SHINE ON ME..."

all capitals reduce inflection to nonsense

this is what happens when I am very tired

CALL ME SISYPHUS
WHILE I PUSH ENDLESSLY
AGAINST POINTLESSNESS
AGAINST HEAVY, CRUSHING
NEVER
WELCOME TO THE
UNITED STATES
WELCOME TO
ZAPPIAN MADNESS
THAT WILL NEVER
SMALL SLIVERS OF
DICED CREDIT CARDS
SCATTERED
FIND ME
THE BOULDER ROLLS
SLOWLY UP THE HILL
IF ONLY I WAS A LITTLE LESS WEAK
FIND ME OUT THE DOOR
I'LL BE DOING IT FOREVER
LEANING
THE REST OF MY LIFE
BUT DO IT
NOT SMILING OR SPEAKING ANYMORE
FOLLOW ME OUT THE DOOR
AND AROUND THE BEND
DIRT ON MY FEET
FILTHY FEET
SLIPPING AGAINST LOOSE SAND
LEANING
FOLLOW ME OUT THE DOOR
AND AROUND THE BEND,
FOLLOW ME
TOWARD
THE CREEPING PYTHON'S PATH
OF OUR EVENTUAL END...

nevermind

look at this
http://davechoe.blogspot.com/2008/06/pictures-from-lee-root.html

and anyone reading should come to this
http://davechoe.blogspot.com/2008/06/dirty-hands-world-premiere-in-los.html

ART IS NOT PRETEND

empty seats

roll camera
roll, roll, roll down
roll out,
speed
and we're going to roll out,
all the wistle-blowing feet
and we will pretend pain
and death and destruction
and beautiful sirens will
pretend opposite things,
and pretend a pain that
is never known,
only pretended
always pretending
happiness
and tears of joy
the whole life
-- life?
life of abstracted light
through empty seats
life of dead moments in a
screen...
well the earth dies screaming...
as I lay dreaming...

Big Smiley

Came across this poem by a member of the North Hollywood Boyz. Thought it was amazing so here you go:

BIG SMILEY FROM THE VICKS...... A BITCH IS A BITCH

THERES ANOTHER WORLD INSIDE
OF THAT U WILL NEVER SEE,
THERE R SECRETS IN THIS LIFE I CANT HIDE,
SOME WERE IN THIS DARKNESS
THERES A LIGHT I CANT FIND,
OR MAYBE ITS TO FAR AWAY,
OR MAYBE IM JUST BLIND,
PART ME IS FIGHTING THIS PART OF ME IS GONE,

BIG SMILEY FROM THE VICKS......
A BITCH IS A BITCH
DECEPTION
DONT NO WAT TO BELIVE...
SO MANY VISIONS OF MURDERS
AND BLOODY TORTCHER IN MY DREAMS...
FUCK A BACKSTABBING BITCH...
CANT KEEP THIS NH BOY DOWN...

slipping...

"Slipping into Darkness." Jailhouse tat on a church-going inmate.

[forget it]

The following was taken from the journal of Jenkins Prinkensplatt:

…(I can’t get away (not that I would want to anyway (that is, on account of this wretched state of mind (which (if it were deemed appropriate (and what is appropriateness anyway? (should I even ask that? (and what is it to ask? (all of us ask, don’t we, in this constant and endless thought (or, if you prefer, this eternal parenthesis (or eternal explanation (or clarification (clarification with no resolution (like wiping down a soft lens (“soft” as in inferior make and build (and it’s slow to boot (that is, it needs too much light (light I don’t have (oh, where was I? Ah, yes, (“yes,” mind you, and not “I will” (though I’m free from “thou shalt not” (but still a slave, to be sure (whose slave? You ask, (but I’ve already answered…a slave to parenity... (…

This excerpt is from a larger body of work which goes on seemingly endlessly in either direction, though its beginning seems to be a somewhat ambiguous time about 20 years ago.

Stray Sheep

“They’re just demons that I had in my dreams. And I just drew them, I drew them out how I saw them, and I put them on my leg.” -NHBZ member

Stray Sheep: Religion and Artwork of the Hispanic Gangs of Suburban LA County

coming soon

Tarkovsky's Advice

one more, just for kicks:

Desire

I desire to make cinema my art.

The first two words of this clause cannot be removed from their relation to the self.

I desire.

I am, and I desire because I am, and I am because I desire. If to desire is attendant of essence, it proceeds with existence and manifests in existence. If to desire is attendant of existence, it undoubtedly has profound effect on essence. Desire in a broad sense permeates everything we do, or don’t do. In this regard it must be said that desire is the beginning of art. But what is it to desire? Perhaps it may be explained within the realm of physiology; the desire of hunger provides motivation to eat, thus upon eating the desire is fulfilled. The resolution at the end of the meal, of course, is only temporary; the desire will return as long as the body functions. Desire, then, is not an end, but a beginning – though there may be no end to desire itself.

Perhaps there is sufficient evidence to say that desire is irremovable from physiology; mood-changing drugs and the process of lobotomy effectively change desire on a physical level. However, these only change desire, they do not create it.

But if desire is limited to physiology – from what type of thing can the artistic desire come, and how is it created? What does it aim to fulfill, and how does it fulfill? Nothing changes physically within the artist upon completion of the work in order to cue an emotional change, but the inward emotional change comes because of an external physical change in the work.

So there are clearly two types of desire – that which is attendant of existence, and that which is attendant of essence. There has long been argument over which precedes the other; whether essence precedes existence (cogito, ergo sum) or existence precedes essence (existentialism). However, this distinction is frivolous: essence of the self cannot be apart from existence, nor can existence be apart from essence. Indeed in relation to desire, the two come to occur simultaneously: in a newborn, desire for food and desire for love are equally present in the earliest stages.

In creating a work of art, the work only has full existence when it has full essence (when the artist has said everything he intended to say) and it only has full essence when it has full existence (when the last stroke is laid, as it were). Can any say which comes first? If the essence is first within the artist’s mind, it still cannot be said to come first, for surely the means by which it will be expressed is likewise in the artist’s mind, and neither will be true until they are manifest. And this manifestation must always be simultaneous. I would suggest this is parallel to our own existence, and may be part of the source of the desire to create.

This desire we are considering is one which affects not the body, but the soul. Yet it does have root in a physical medium: manipulating a thing, in this case, celluloid film or today’s digital media, is what fulfills. Just as the human has a dichotomy of body and spirit, so the artwork has this same dichotomy, though only in its relation to the human: it retains and cannot be removed from its existence in physical form, while also retaining the propensity to have profound effect on the spectator’s spiritual state.

But how does an art work fulfill desire? As existence fulfills existence in the case of hunger, so essence fulfills essence in the case of art (even if these demarcations are not so clear in a practical sense).

So now we have a working understanding of desire. Or do we? Not in the least! It is at its core indescribable; it can only be understood through experience. Any words used to describe it cannot be once-and-for-all. The question arises: then why any words at all? Because it is of primary importance for the artist to know what he is doing when he does art. For himself at least, if for no-one else. For this reason, I'll leave the idea here and come back to it later.

I desire to make cinema my art.

Three terms in the above sentence require definition: desire, cinema, art. Over the course of the following entries (though perhaps not sequentially), I will decide upon a basic definition for each of these. These entries will not contain conclusive and all-encompassing definitions, but will represent my process of working through what it is I want to do.